NGO Floats Idea of Making Human National Animal

An unnamed NGO today floated the idea of making the human a national animal, thereby giving them special protections enjoyed by the current national animal, the cow. 
'The cow enjoys a good life in this country. We are hoping to extend this luxury of a good life to the most populous large mammal in this country, the human,' said a spokesperson for the NGO.
He continued, 'You cannot kill cows, but killing humans is not frowned upon, especially when the government is involved. Many children drown yearly in open drains. But open drains still exist. On the other hand, if someone kills a cow that person will not exist for more than an hour after his heinous act. He will be an ex-human. We are hoping to avoid this unnecessary 'ex-ing' of humans.'
The spokesperson also noted how pleasant it would be if the slaughter of humans was made illegal. 'Just try standing in the middle of a road munching on grass and see what happens to you. Yet cows do it all the time,' he said. 
A government spokesperson responded: 'While it is true that the cow is highly regarded in this country, it is not yet the national animal. The same cannot be said of human beings - human beings are not highly regarded in India. In fact, we have studies showing that in the animal kingdom nobody thinks less of human beings than human beings themselves. So following this flawless logic we will now make the cow a national animal.'
When asked if cows were for this move, the spokesperson said, 'I will consult with our in-house cow expert, Badaboom Ramdev, who talks to cows usually on his knees and from behind. That pose is called Cownillingasana and has been spoken about in the ancient scriptures.'
Yog Adi, the Chief Minister of one populous Northern State reacted with scorn and bewilderment to the NGO's petition saying, 'Brahmins are already protected under this government! These ignorant buffoons are trying to change the definition of human beings, trying to add other groups such as SC/ST and Muslims.' 
He then retracted the statement later on when it was revealed that other people had heard him say it. 'I apologize to my Muslim friends. You are also human beings I guess,' he tweeted. 
 

The Sapota's Guide to Traveling