After shockingly remaining unpatriotic even after standing up in a movie theatre while the national anthem was being played, a local man was summoned to the Supreme Court today, in an effort to understand what went wrong and to gain the advice and assistance of the Honorable Judges.
Patlapuri Nirodkar told reporters that as instructed by the bench, he had risen to his feet as the national anthem began to play, a feat he had never undertaken before.
"Earlier, I would only quietly listen while seated," he said, "and silently thank the many historical forces, and great men and women who have made this country a pluralistic, secular democracy. I would thank blind luck that I was born here rather than in Somalia or North Korea, and that our country had a constitution that allowed for the coexistence of different kinds of people with different beliefs, that separated church and state, that promoted the scientific spirit. As Tagore's song played I would quietly whisper thanks to the many soldiers who gave their lives to defend our values and our way of life, to the men and women who uphold our constitution everyday, many without adequate pay or recognition, who try every day to make the lives of those less fortunate better. And within those few minutes, I would hope for the future of our country, hope for a peaceful, tolerant and productive world in which people work together and defend human rights and freedom. In short I would hope for a better world for our children. But obviously, I wasn't being patriotic because I wasn't rising to my feet, as advised by the Honorable court, and so this time when I went for a movie (Office Christmas Party), I rose to my feet. But I felt no great patriotic emotion, no heightened sense of loyalty to the country. Thus after confessing my crime, I was summoned here to clarify the matter."
Later in the day, the judges convened Mr. Nirodkar's case where they examined footage from the movie theatre taken by a movie pirater who had inadvertently pointed the camera at Mr. Nirodkar while the national anthem was playing. It was soon clear what the problem was: Mr. Nirodkar's knees were unlocked, as made clear by the slight bend in both his knees.
The Honorable judge then called Mr. Nirodkar and asked him to demonstrate his version of 'standing'. "You are not standing properly sir," the judge pointed out immediately. "One needs to lock his knees when one stands up. The definition of 'standing' is made clear in the Constitution, Article No. 41."
Mr. Nirodkar's lawyer objected and pointed to the bench that no such Article exists, to which the judges replied that they will make sure that it gets added in a few days, and that the lawyer is unpatriotic and must be executed for sedition. The lawyer was led away in chains.
Meanwhile Mr. Nirodkar had practised standing and was confident of performing better the next time. "Your honours," he said, "Tomorrow I am going with my friends for 'Resident Evil; The Final Chapter' and I will make sure to stand properly."
The judge replied, "Surely then you will get the deep feeling of patriotism if you lock your knees. The line from ankle to hip joint must be straight. Please enjoy your deep feelings and emotions. Case dismissed."
Outside the court Mr. Nirodkar told reporters he was a changed man. "Forget all those thoughts I used to have as the national anthem played; that means nothing. All one has to do is lock one's knees for patriotism and respect for your country."
Just then the national anthem was played on the court PR system and the photographers lost their shot of Mr. Nirodkar as they all rose to their feet and locked their knees automatically.