Local Group Upset That Coldplay Made A Music Video

The local chapter of the Outrage Brigade put out a statement last night, condemning Coldplay for making a music video to accompany their song 'Hymn for the Weekend'. 'If white-skinned individuals  are to come to our country and create work, we demand that they create exactly what we want them to create,' reads the statement, which runs into hundreds of pages and is written in all caps. The statement continues: 'India being a country in which millions of people suffer everyday from lack of basic facilities, such as toilets and clean water, we insist that anyone (especially white skinned people) who comes with their own creative agendas and ideas abandon them immediately and address these problems. We have been told that the lead of this so called 'rock music band' spent time in India as ambassador for the Global Poverty Project, during which he met people from Oxfam and Prime Minister Modi. Why then does this 'music video' not feature even a minute of the PM addressing the nation on the relevant topic of poverty? Instead we get a few seconds of a privileged Bollywood starlet throwing flowers in the air and running about here and there.' On page 343, the statement demands that instead of making a music video, Coldplay should have written an extensive essay on income inequality: 'This 'rock music band' has spent thousands of dollars exotifying India and showing people all over the world the colours of holi and cliched characters such as yogis and naked children. Why couldn't they instead have spent the same money writing a thousand page essay on income inequality and the privileges of the upper class such as Twitter and posh homes? In fact, while they spent time in India, they could just as easily have written a treatise on the ill-effects of Colonialism, murderous American Foreign Policy and a review of the latest episode of Orange is the New Black. We are offended and hurt that this white skinned British man has come to our poor miserable country and chosen to show bright colours and people having fun rather than crying for 3 hours on camera and apologising for the cruelty of his ancestors. Never once does he claim to represent this country and there is nothing in his video, from the name 'Hymn for the Weekend' to the contents, that pretend to portray or comment on anything. Why? We demand, and consider this a warning to all future visits from 'music groups', that you have no right to not claim to portray the whole country of India, and once having made that claim you have no choice but to represent every little social ill, cultural facet and political nuance of this beautiful and diverse country. Not doing so is cultural appropriation and let it be on record that we are offended.' Later on, on page 543, it says: 'We are the cultural custodians of our country and we decide what should and shouldn't portrayed. We demand your work to show certain things. If you have no intention of showing those things we will make it your intention of showing those things and criticise you for not showing them properly. We are the warriors of social justice.'

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