The Sunny Leone Interview

It's not very often that an ex-porn star gets interviewed in India, let alone by a 'senior journalist'. It's even rarer for the interview to be conducted by Benjamin Button, which is to say, an adolescent who looks like an old man. 
Let me qualify that statement. Bhupendra Chaubey, who looks like the lovechild of ET and a pomegranate, is surely an adolescent who somehow manages to look like a retired mushroom. Not only that. He is an adolescent with raging hormones who looked like he was mentally jerking off while conducting this infamous interview. What else can explain his extreme hostility to Sunny Leone? 
Let me explain how it works: Man loves porn. Man hates that he loves porn because he's a puritan and a prude. Thus, man hates porn. Thus, man hates porn stars. Man retires to his bedroom to watch porn. Man hates himself for watching porn (see above reason). Thus, man hates porn even more because it makes him hate himself. Man looks like rare disease. Man hates that he can never ever fulfil his porn fantasies. Man is faced with the main actor in many such fantasies. Main actor is more likely to lick Kim Jon Un's face than get with man. Man hates main actor. Man proceeds to make main actor as uncomfortable as possible. Man is a misogynist. 

In the truest sense of poetic justice, after the infamous interview, Sunny Leone is said to have demanded that their roles reverse. Here is the transcript. 

SL: Bhupendra Chaubey, 'senior journalist', thanks for agreeing to switch roles and let me interview you. 

BC: (panting like a dog) I like role playing. I'm an adolescent with raging hormones. 

SL: Yes I noticed. So let me start with this question: Tell me one regret that you have. 

BC: No regrets. 

SL: Not even that you never fucked a woman like me? 

BC: I fuck you everyday.

SL: No you don't. 

BC: Yes I do. I stick a printout of your vagina on my hand. 

SL: Ah, so you admit to watching my porn films. 

BC: Didn't I mention I did my research. All the negativity on social media doesn't affect me. I plow right through then visit pornhub. 

SL: So you don't have any regrets?

BC: No. 

SL: What about the fact that sometime in your early twenties your face started to resemble a musk melon? 

BC: Yes I regret that. 

SL: Ok. So you do have a huge, massive regret that should make you feel very, very bad. Let's move on now that we've established that you look like an abandoned guava. Do you feel like you're corrupting Indian society by existing? 

BC: In what sense? 

SL: Well, in the sense that you're a misogynistic abandoned guava melon with a rare disease and Indian culture is pure and free from such mutant fruit. 

BC: I suppose I do reduce the aesthetics of any environment I walk into. 

SL: What about your misogyny? 

BC: Look that's unfair. I hate women because women hate me. 

SL: Is that why you hate me? Because you feel there's no way in hell I could ever 'want' you?

BC: I guess so :(

SL: You're right. I'm happily married.

BC: But you're a porn star! How can you be happy or married, let alone both? 

SL: Well here I am. Better get used to it you old, regressive fart.  

BC: I would love to smell your fart. 

(Sunny Leone walks out. Bhupendra Chaubey left to himself for 3 seconds. Walks out with his dick in his hand.) 


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