Dear Fifth Harmony,
I wish to congratulate you on your wonderful composition titled 'He Like That’. It truly is a masterpiece of music. If you will allow me I would like to go through this song line by line in order to fully impress upon you, and my readers, what a wonderful piece of music you have created, and to show you the impact it has had on my life. (I thank you also for having just 8 unique lines in this 59 line arrangement - it shows that you think of us, your greatest fans, when creating your work).
Let's start at the beginning.
It is wonderful that there is a certain gentleman with a 'good boy attitude' and yes, you kind of like that. This line gets me every time.
Even more wonderful is that this same chap, the very chap with a ‘good boy attitude’ has tattoos on his arm - who could have imagined this in their wildest dreams! - and a 'bad girl’ is excited (mystery - who is this ‘bad girl’? Perhaps all will be revealed shortly). A fittingly stunning second line to that historic start.
You continue in trademark, ingenious and legendary style - ’You put that bass in the beat, won't you beat it up inside it?' - which is ambiguous, mysterious, qualities that make art great as you plumb the depths and scale the heights of human nature.
‘Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
He like the girls with the pumps and a bump.’
Dear Madams, this is the point where I must give my audience an aside. Dear Readers, like in all masterpieces - think of the shot of Charles Foster Kane against a giant banner of his own face in Citizen Kane or the bone that cuts to a spaceship in 2001: A Space Odyssey— there comes a point where the essence of the work, the numinous, the inexplicable core of it, hits you like a punch from World-Breaker Hulk.
Readers, we have to come to such a point.
Behold! ‘Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump…’ The artistry of it, the sheer lyrical genius. ‘He likes the girls with the pumps and a bump.’
And what's more, almost unbelievably, you tell us: ‘I be that girl with the pumps and a bump.'
A hint here! Does this mean that ‘bad girl’ mentioned earlier was you all along?
Stunning. (Absorb this tale because it appears no less than 3 times in this legend.)
We move on.
What does he like? Naturally, he is fond of 'that bang, bang, bang' and 'that bomb, bomb, bomb' and of course 'that love, love, love.' And the girl? She is, once again brace yourselves, 'that drug, drug, drug.' Forgive me, she isn't that 'drug, drug, drug;' she is in fact, ‘like (my italics) that drug, drug, drug.’ (One stumbles when dealing with such depth.)
Eternal gratitude for repeating this part 7 times.
And what occurs then? This man, who likes the 'bang' and the 'bomb' and the 'love' is smitten by the drug that is the bad girl and if he tastes it once he 'want it' - like Uncle Chips.
(Lo, the mighty deceit of appearance! Forgive me Lord of Music for having defamed your Prophet on Earth, the all-girl band Fifth Harmony. I said earlier that there are just 8 unique lines in this symphonic landscape that is the song 'He Like That' - I was wrong. 'To err is to be human' said Shakespeare and it seems fitting to quote a poet on the same standing as your daughters Fifth Harmony. There are in fact 12 unique lines. The four I left out are: 'He love that hit and run, he lose his brain, He going to stupid dumb, he stupid dumb, all he ever wants is some' which are elegantly self-explanatory.)
The rest of the masterpiece, having already achieved timeless wisdom and imperishable importance, merely repeats its former greatness, and in doing so magnifies it to supernatural levels.
'Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
He like the girls with the pumps and a bump (oh)’…you croon. And what else can you say? Everything that has to be said has already been said. You - Fifth Harmony - know that in the depths of your artistic hearts.
You end the song with the evocative and spirit-affirming 'Pumps and a bump yeah, Uh oh oh yeah.'
Now all the listener has to do - no, all he can do - is ponder on and wonder at the miracle that has just passed through his brain.
Once again Fifth Harmony, I commend you in on this historic achievement and may the legends of tomorrow speak about this for eons to come. And most of all, thank you for this opportunity, this window into your creative souls. May you live forever.
A True Fan.